Why Do So Many Young Adults Leave the Church?

I just finished reading Essential Church by Thom Rainer and his son Sam Rainer III. This book was written to leaders in the church. The authors answer the questions: why do so many young people leave the church? and what will it take to bring them back?

The book reveals many insights that the authors have gained from interviews they have conducted with young adults.

The chapter entitled "A New Spin on Hypocrisy" is powerful. Their findings show that young adults are much more likely to drop out of church if their parents are not involved. Dropping your teen off at church is a sure fire way to insure that you will be taking your grandchildren to church also. People who serve, faithfully attend, and speak positively about the church and its leadership have a much greater opportunity to succeed in raising adults who will be involved in a faith community.

Most young adults did not have significant reasons for dropping out of church. It could be summed up in one statement. It was not imporatant to my parents and it is not important to me. The authors have discovered that secular universities, public education, and the church are NOT the greatest contributors to young people leaving the church. The root (of hypocrisy) is found in the family unit. 

You may be heading down a road that will take you to a destination you won't like. The popular church culture has created the largest back door in over 75 years. Parent, what do you want your child to be doing in ten years? Does it look like what you are doing now?

Kidzone Soccer Academy - Day # 1

20 years

Twenty years is a long time. Lots of things have happened in twenty years. 1992 was the year, Andre Agassi won Wimbledon, the Washington Redskins won the super bowl, Bill Clinton became the president, A Few Good Men came out in the theaters, Windows 3.1 was developed and  Pearl Jam and Nirvana were on the top of the pop charts.

Other events happened that year, like Bob Cowman beginning to serve as a pastor in Norwalk, Ohio. Yip, Calvary Baptist Church called me to be the pastor of Care and Outreach on September 9th,1992.   God has blessed in so many ways through the years. Two highlights have been serving Calvary Baptist Church in Norwalk, Ohio and Columbus Road Baptist Church in Quincy, Illinois.

I bought this Penn St. circle design GAME hat twenty years ago also. It is hard to fine articles of clothing that you have owned for 5 years let alone 20 years. It has seen a lot of hot days and many adventures. This hat, an article of clothing, is representative of life and relationships in many ways. For many of us, it is difficult to name a friend that you have had for twenty years let alone five. Friendships take time and attention, without those two ingredients, a friendship fades and sometimes even dies.

I have met so many people along the way. Many of those people are still intimately involved in my life and at least most remain connected at some level. There have been many mountain tops and valleys along the way with each group of people. Loss and gain, victory and defeat, laughter and sorrow, have characterized the journey. Looking back has proven that God has been at work in the lives of people and that is the highlight of this journey. I am so blessed to have been a small part in that.

Those that I have served along side have been gracious to me and my family. I will always cherish the time we have spent together. It is crazy to think that I have only worked with 6 other men in the entire twenty years; four in Ohio (Jim, Joe, Dan, and Romyne) and two in Illinois (Jeff and Mike).

I look forward to the next 20 years. It will be exciting to see what God does in the lives of all the people we have been able to touch. Ah, and one last thing, manage your hats well.

Christmas at Columbus Road

A Splendid Torch

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinoin that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.



George Bernard Shaw

Participants to Servant

I had the unique opportunity to visit one of our student ministries this evening. It was our Kidz 156 program. They did an outstanding job putting on an entertaining production entitled "The Cross Factor".

This is a ministry specifically designed to mobilize our children into service in the local church. We are talking about kids from ages 4 to 11. Our amazing staff created an environment where children at a very young age begin developing their talents.

I  have observed over my twenty years of ministry that little time is placed on discipleship of children. Lots of Bible stories, games and snacks have been delivered but seldom do children have the opportunity to follow Christ through service. Do not read this wrong, I think that Biblical teaching is essential but being a hearer of the word without being a doer is empty. It leads to a consumer mentality in the church. As people move into adulthood, their senses to serve are dulled. It becomes about them versus others.

We want to move the children at Columbus Road directly from participants to servants. This requires intentionality. We have found that it is a lot easier and more effective to train children rather then un-train adults. What is amazing about this philosophy of ministry is that by starting them when they are young, it carries right into the teen years.

This morning we had teens serving in both services as praise team members. We had teens serving as nursery workers, teacher, helpers, and ushers. What was even more amazing was all the teens who came tonight to support our children. It is no wonder, many are Kidz 156 alums.

Truly Great Friends

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

I read this quote recently and it fit perfectly. I recently lost a "truly great friend". Ron Siepel will be impossible to forget. Of course knowing that Ron will be waiting for me some day in heaven takes some of the sting out of the "difficult to leave" part.

Ron served the Lord with me for the eight years that I have lived in Quincy. In a world where church isn't cool, he made church a cool place to come. Our church is full of life and activity for men and Ron was a huge part of the success of that. He was our parking lot greeter. He was a deacon. He served in our KidZone children's ministyr, KidZone soccer, Wednesday evening prayer service, Columbus Road Outdoor Pro-staff, and Fusion Youth ministry. He did work projects, concrete crews, wild game dinners, men's d-groups, harvest parties, men's archery league, cookie giveaways. (Maybe Ron was trying to take my job!!)

Ron loved archery and his love for archery spilled over. He came up with the great idea of establishing an archery league at our church for our community. Free of charge, hundreds of men and women have shot competitively at Columbus Road. Many people got their start in archery at the league. Just the thought of Darin East's first night at archery makes me laugh. We had arrows stuck all over that gym.

Ron also loved cookouts. Each year he would invite the entire church to his home for two or three cookouts. He like to show hospitality and we loved the food and fellowship. The night usually ended with a not-so-competitive game of volleyball or time around a fire Ron had built. He wanted everyone to feel welcome - young and old - and he made everyone feel welcome. He would give the children four-wheeler rides while the adults were feeding their faces. And he made some amazing jalapeno poppers.

But Ron was more than a list of the things he did for the Lord. He was a friend to all. He took you in like you were one of his own. His garage was your garage. His house was your house. His stuff was your stuff. His car was your car. His lawn was your lawn. His time was your time. His money was your money. He truly showed us all what selfless love is all about. He'd watch your litter of new puppies (he watched the Westcott's ten dogs for ten days this past Christmas), watch your children, store your stuff, and work on your car.

Speaking of working on cars - that is where I really spent some time getting to know Ron. Our mutual interest in speed, noisy racing engines and cars prompted us to start a racing team. Randy Uppinghouse, Tim Pryor, Ron, Shane Wingerter (our cook) and Eric Butler (our lone fan) set out to have a not-so-much-like NASCAR team. It was the hillbilly version, actually. You can go to our racing blog at cowmanracing.blogspot.com to read our story. Ron is such a big part of that story. He was so talented. He could do about anything on a car. He did great body work. He was a welder. He could fix most anything - although with how many projects he had going for others it might take a little while.

Through it all Ron was just so easy to be around. You got what you saw with Ron (unique facial hair and all). He was not proud or stand-offish. He could strike up a conversation about almost anything. Eric Butler came up with the 70/30 rule for Ron. 70% of the time you had no clue where he was coming from and the other 30% of the time what he said was sheer brilliance.

Ron was also a patient husband and father. He loved his children. He spent countless hours talking about them. He was concerned with their spiritual walks, their interest, their children, and their overall well-being. He walked with them where they were in life. He was there to play ball, swing them on the swing, do the paper route, fix their stuff, and walk them through the difficult times.

The thing that stands out about Ron the most is the fact that he lived life for the things that truly matter. He knew that in the end stuff didn't matter - God and people did. And he lived his life every day with that in mind.

When life-altering events happen such as the loss of my dear friend, the tragedy is not in his loss but the tragedy is those who refuse to change in light of that life-altering event. Ron leaves a whole in our hearts and lives. But God is calling each one of us to step up to be:

- A great friend

- Someone who is there for people when they have a need

- Someone who serves God with their life

- A great dad or mom

- Someone who uses their talents for others

- Someone who enjoys the days that God has given them

Change or Die

I was reading a book the other day and I came across a section that amazed me. It was so mind blowing that I fired up the ole Facebook and decided to blog on what I read..."Change or Die."

A recent medical study revealed just how difficult change is for people. Roughly 600,000 people have heart bypasses and must change their lifestyle. The heart bypass is a temporary fix. They must change their diet. They must quit smoking and drinking. They must exercise and reduce stress.

The doctors say over and over in no uncertain terms, change or die.

So one would think that after a near death experience, it would be simple. Choose to change.

That's not the case.

Ninety percent of all heart patients do not change. They remain the same. Study after study indicates that two years after heart surgery, the patients have not changed. Instead of a healthy lifestyle, they choose a slow death.

People speak of how they adapt well to change, but in the real world....Change is very difficult.

What is the best method to initiate change? Should it be all at once or incremental? Many change theorists disagree on how change is most effectively achieved.

I decided to change a major part of my life in September. I decided to be out the door and at work by 7:30 each morning. I always believed that I was not a morning person. I discovered after a 30 day challenge that I am more of a morning person than I had ever known.

Change is most effective when it is incremental, slow and methodical. The goal of change is transformation. Become someone different.

With each change, a culture of change is built allowing for more changes to occur. So how does a person change?

One day at a time.

Tomorrow the change can start!!!

A Paradox

Matt and I decided back in the spring to take another wilderness trip. This meant hiking and camping in the wild somewhere and somehow over the summer break. He decided to travel with a soccer ministry over the summer so our window of opportunity to go on this trip was limited.

We decided that we would go to Mark Twain National Forest in Missouri. Last Thursday morning off we went with all our gear and time for a three day adventure. It took about five hours to get to the park. We jumped out of the car and hiked into the woods.

After a 6 mile hike, we came to the conclusion that the best place to camp was by a stream six miles back. So we went back to the perfect spot to camp. Quickly we set up camp...tent, fire, food, coffee.

It was the perfect night. We talked, laughed and played. It was a blast!!

The next morning we decided to hike out and find a place where we could canoe and camp.
It didn't take us to long to realize that there were no outfitters who provided that option. We found one where we could take a day trip so into the canoe we went. It was so peaceful. We took a trip down the Upper Meremac. We only saw four people the entire time.

THIS IS WHERE THE PARADOX BEGINS...

I asked Matt, 'What sounds good?" He said, "Bluegrass music". I told him that we could go to Branson, which was about 200 miles away. Our adventure had just taken a right turn. We jumped into the car headed to the Bass Pro Shop in Springfield, Missouri. We were dirty and had no clothing for a bluegrass concert.

$90.00 later we walked out of BPS with outfits that would match a bluegrass concertgoer.
We had about two hours to get tickets, a motel, and a shower and get back to the concert hall.

We found a motel with only one room left, showered quickly and were ready with a couple of minutes to spare. We went to see the Cleverlys at the Oak Ridge Boys auditorium. This was a first for both of us. To say it mildly, we had a BLAST!!! The group was very entertaining and Matt got his bluegrass fix.

We were hungry. I told Matt that we could eat where he wanted to go. He picked Landry's. It is a fine dining $20.00 a plate, candlelit, white table cloth, $8.00 desert kind of place. We sat down and he looked at the menu. I wish I had a picture of that. We ate and went back to the motel.

We ended up in the Lake of the Ozarks on the way back -

from hiking and camping to concert...

from dirty, smelly clothes to new BPS duds...

from tent to a motel with two queen size beds...

from oatmeal t0 angel hair pasta with shrimp and scallops...

Now that is an adventure......

Not Happy with Your Church?

I have been a part of church for nearly all my life. I have experienced about everything a person could imagine. I have served in many aspects and postions. I have met some of the most awesome people and many have become life-long friends. There are so many things that I have learned about life and living within the context of an assembly of believers.

I really don't understand why people say they are unhappy with their churches. It is like a brother saying he doesn't like his sister or a mother who doesn't love her children. Human relationships are based on giving and sacrifice. The more a person gives and serves, the more satisfied a person becomes with their contribution to their time on earth.

I was again reminded this week about the importance and value of being a part of a church. I watched our church family care for and love one another like few I've seen. We experienced a massive storm this week, leaving many in difficult positions. Some had trees down, others lost power, while some even had flooding.

People who are followers of Christ were born again to serve. Jesus came to serve and not to be served. Many today are looking to be served, therefore they seem to be dissatisfied, disgruntled, and even lost in the context of needs greater than theirs. It doesn't take long before a person living in community finds others who are hurting more than they are. These are the moments of truth!!

I went to three homes today, helping people get there lives back on track. The fellows I went with were ready and willing to help in any way they could. We had such a precious time serving alongside one another. We focused on the work at hand and got the job done. It is important to remember and never forget the value of the Body of Christ. Our actions toward one another speak louder than any words we could ever share.

If you are not "happy" with your church, you should take a long, hard look into your heart. When was the last time you sacrificed your time, money, or effort for someone you sit by in your place of worship? Seriously, a sacrifice, coming away tired, worn out, broke, and nothing left to give. I am so glad that I am a part of a place that is not perfect but people genuinely want the best for those that they attend church with and they show it.

Friends

"Friends" is an interesting word. There are so many different definitions for "friends".

Some people define who they are by the "friends" they have. Others have no interest in having "friends". They like being alone and without any connections.

"Friends" can be people who you attend an event, church, or club with. The mere proximity of another human makes you "friends". Guys usually have "friends" who they talk to about every six months and that may come in the form of a brief "Whats up man?" Guys express friendship by doing something together or working alongside one another.

Girls are much different. Friends share through communication. Talking is big with girls to be "friends". The talking does not even have to be meaningful and personal....(with the exception of talking about your kids). Although from what I've heard a "close" girl friend is willing to listen to the deep, personal things.

Usually people want a certain kind of "friend". Kinda like shopping for a car. What make, model, appearance, factory warranty, flaws, mileage, and don't forget maintenance are included? "Friends" can be a way to exchange goods and services.

Bottom line...who is going to pick a "friend" where they are on the giving end of the deal.

Who in their right mind would give for someone else's benefit and not their own?

Who would give knowing that they will be betrayed?

Who is seriously going to want a high maintenance friend?

Who is a friend that will give up everything - even his life - for his friend?
Who is that sort of friend?

John 15:15 - I no longer call you servants...instead I have called you friends.
John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.

Birthing

I am no stranger to birthing. I have alot of experience in the maternity ward at the hospital. Four times I have experienced the pain and toil of delivering babies. There are many different roles that people play during the birthing process. I was such an important part of our childrens' birth.

Luckily, the same doctor has delivered three of our babies. He had a great love for soccer. This provided great comfort to me during the deliveries.

Okay, Lisa may have a different viewpoint of the birthing process. It seemed to be much more difficult for her than me. Her job appeared to be more personal and critical to success and completion. My role was one of support and encouragement BUT not so important.

Recently, my birthing role has come back into service. Our church is birthing another church. We at Columbus Road are planting a church in Pittsfield, Illinois. (Go to pittsfieldfirst.com for updates.)

I was fortunate to lead worship and preach at Pittsfield First this last Sunday. It felt like I was out for recess. I was enjoying doing what I love to do but with little responsibility for the group.

It was to exciting to support Pastor Mike, Keri, and the rest of the planting team. I am so excited to see the new baby (church). It will be great to see it grow and develop over the coming months.

It hit me on the way back from the services that there is a big difference between being in the delivery room and delivering the baby. I am back to my encouraging, supportive ways but my part pales to the part of the ones who are doing the real work.

May everyone who is anticipating the new birth be supportive through prayer and encouragement.